A.E.D.S.

As far as my conscious can feel and my brain can appreciate, this has to be a reasonably bulk phenomenon. Of course, AEDS is my “own” condensation; well the dislodgement of ‘I’ does make it me sire to this acronym. Apparently, one doesn’t require a tank full of premium 91-octane comprehension up above to come up with one. Acquired Emotional Deficiency Syndrome, or for the so-talked-about layman, Emotional AIDS. AEDS.

Writer’s block. Life happened.

What forced my body to lie back on my bed and my conscious to stare at the ceiling for what felt like eternity was a visit to a twin of my childhood house. At the time of the destined visit, a very good friend of mine was residing there. It was all “normal” until we paid a faithful visit to the roof of the dwelling. I know that the upcoming description acquires  its origins from too-cool-to-be-true movies, but it is accurate as far as I can recall.

The view instantly filled my upper hard drive with unconsciously formatted, smudged out memories. It was as if there was a sudden burst of vision-impairing light and I was travelling back to the ‘good old days’ at the speed of darkness. Well, aye, the part about the flashy light is rather pretentious but the darkness thing really came alive. The destruction of a massive star, a black hole had come into being and I was hit with the full throttle power of a starship.

Wannabe writer’s block. Reality happened.

Existence seems pointless as all the dimensions of the dreams within dreams come tumbling down. I always live in denial that multiple personality disorder ain’t a real damn thing. Oh yeah, you see the goddamn irony. I denied it to myself that it does not exist!

There’s a thing in my heart,

 but it doesn’t exist.

There’s a feeling in my heart,

but it doesn’t speak.

There’s a voice in my heart,

but it doesn’t reach out.

There’s a vision in my heart,

but it doesn’t feel.

There’s a pain in my heart,

but it is not you!

How do I appreciate this inner voice when it is crawling all over me? What do I possibly do when it opens up the black hole in my heart whenever a beautiful imagery is blooming in my head? When do I listen to it; when it says “This feeling you sense is the Philosopher’s Stone; it does not exist” or when it goes “There is no moving on bitch”?


Real life. AEDS happened.